Breastfeeding Rollercoaster Ride

I thought it's going to be easy. Turns out it's tougher than it looks.

I have been very vocal about my desire to exclusively breastfeed my son. Just like every mother, I only want what's best for my child. But when the time came for me to finally fulfill this, I felt my world about to crumble because of the threat of defeat. It wasn't as simple as I thought it would be.

The day I delivered Dade, he was immediately roomed-in so we can have that ideal mother-child bonding within the hour he was born. Still feeling groggy from the operation, I quickly jumped to the opportunity and agreed to have him latch on to me. All along, I really thought he was latching on properly, and that we were both doing so well.

However, on the second day, I noticed that he was getting fussy and seemed to be needing to feed like every hour. Add the sore nipples that I started to have, too. For someone who has gone through a CS operation, the need to wake up almost all day and night was a torture especially after barely 48 hours, and with pain from the stitches attacking you when you least expect it. Eventually, the lactation consultant confirmed my worst fear - my son wasn't latching properly. As a result, in less than 3 days, he lost 12% of his birth weight and ended up jaundiced.  The interim solution: mixed feeding.

My heart sank but I had no other option. The lactation consultant, however, was encouraging and reassured me that this was just a learning curve for both me and the baby. Going forward, she asked me to pump on the third day. I managed to produce 10ml each session which was cup fed to Dade with the help of the nurses and Ryan. Thereafter, he would be given formula for sustenance. On the day we were discharged, the lactation consultant came by to see us both and had Dade latch on to me to see any progress. Things did improve. Not that great but a lot better than the previous days. I was told to just give it a week's time and see how my milk production would be. Once my milk production improves, I can take out the formula milk from Dade's menu even sooner than planned. So off we went with a few bottles of formula milk on hand and with hopes that I would be able to produce more milk later on.

I am so thankful I did invest on a good breastpump. It has become my new BFF since I became a Mom. But despite having one of the best equipment for expressing, the first week was challenging to say the least. There were days when I literally prayed to the heavens to make me produce enough milk each time I pump. I also went crazy researching ways to improve my milk production. The silly goose that I was compared myself to other nursing mothers, which only made me feel worse. There were nights I would cry out of frustration, and even came to a point where I questioned my capability to nurture my own son. I almost gave up.

Despite having a supportive husband, I decided to seek solace from my sisters in an online forum I belong to. I thought if there is someone who can understand what I'm feeling, it would be another mother who also nurses her child and had gone through challenges in the course, as well. That's when I decided to write one of my breastfeeding inspirations, Mandy, who is an online friend, for support and tips. And I'm glad I did because right off the bat, she did come to my rescue. I thank her for her assistance because not only did I manage to help myself increase my milk production but also gained confidence with what I'm doing. Despite her busy schedule with raising two kids and home schooling her daughter, she took time to answer my mundane questions and became my virtual cheerleader.

Now almost five weeks later since I delivered, my milk production has improved tremendously. My letdown was way, way better. My son also learned how to latch on properly and my nipples don't hurt anymore even when he feeds every couple of hours. The best news is my son gained a quarter of a kilo in 3 weeks. When he had his 2nd check up yesterday, his pedia said we did good - our son is strong and healthy.

I know there will be more challenges ahead with raising a child, but I realized that with perseverance and positive thinking, any parent will be able to surmount them with flying colors. This is just one of those uphill battles that I need to face, and I'm sure there will be more to come. Lesson learned: don't raise the white flag that easily.