Gender Reveal

At 20 weeks, people have started hammering us with the question, “Is it a boy or a girl?” every so often because around this time of the pregnancy, we should've already known the gender from the fetal anomaly scan.  I hate to break the news though that hubby and I have decided not to disclose the baby’s gender this time.  And for reasons we hope our families and friends would understand.

Before we conceived our firstborn, we prayed so hard for a baby after having gone through miscarriage.  Dade came as an answered prayer, and we found out we were pregnant with him at the most unexpected time.  We were in Manila for our annual vacation, and we had family members around us who were the first to hear of our good news.  What perfect timing!

After 2 years since Dade’s birth, we planned on having a second baby (and was crossing our fingers for a girl!).  We even asked for prayers through our friend Shelly who went to the Holy Land for pilgrimage.  Just a couple of months after, we found out we were infanticipating again, and the news also came at the right time -- just a day after my maternal grandmother passed away.  It was a little piece of good news that I brought home with me when I flew home for her funeral.   Lexie is also an answered prayer, and a dream come true for us as we really wanted a girl.

Now with my current pregnancy, everything was completely unforeseen.  Because of all the stress I had at work and with our Euro Trip, I ovulated late and didn’t realize I was fertile when we did the deed.  We traveled for our much-awaited Europe Trip this summer, and found out towards the last leg of our tour that we have a little hitchhiker onboard.  I already had a feeling that we may be pregnant but was in denial for days until I decided to take the home pregnancy test kit to get it over and done with.  Funny how I was telling Ryan when we got the PTK in Vienna that it better be worth its price as I had to cough up EUR 12 for the pack!  I actually meant that it should be accurate and wasn't exactly hoping for a positive sign.   

When the PTK confirmed my suspicion, my initial reaction was shock.  I showed the test result to Ryan who also had the same reaction, and none of us had the same jolly expression on our faces when we found out about Dade’s and Lexie’s conception.   Looking back, it makes me feel guilty that our little one wasn’t welcomed warmly like its siblings.  We were not fair as parents, and it sucks to remember that point in this pregnancy.  Sorry baby!

In addition to the not-so-happy reaction of ours, I also had a very challenging first trimester with all the symptoms and hormonal changes that I’ve gone through.  I had horrible all-day sickness that lasted for weeks followed by severe tooth and gum aches.  I also contracted conjunctivitis towards the tail end of my first trimester, which was really a pain.  My boss teased me that I was falling apart as I couldn’t complete an entire week in the office!

Last October, we had a serious health scare with the baby, and it made us reflect on our priorities as a family (more on this in a separate post).   After going through that hurdle, it made me realize how much I am taking this pregnancy for granted and how ungrateful I was of this beautiful gift to our family.  God blessed us with a wonderful year, and the least I could do is be more accepting of His shower of love. 

I thought of ways to make it up to our unborn baby until it dawned on me that keeping the gender of the baby until the delivery date will keep us and the people around us excited about its arrival.  Ryan welcomed this idea, too, which is great!  You see, our loved ones and friends are all excited to know the baby's gender, and holding off such information makes them extra giddy.  Everyone is now looking forward to the d-day!  I cannot wait to video tape their reaction when they come see us at the hospital :)  

We already have a boy and a girl so whatever this baby's gender is does not really matter as long as it's healthy and normal.  What we want is another baby to love, to play with, to cuddle, and to smell (ooohh, angel's breath again!)  It doesn't matter if it's a he or a she.  After all, my husband said that God does not give anything that isn't perfect :)